This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
