thus making me awesome and them whores
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
