Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
