Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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