Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
