I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
