Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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