connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I didn't notice because vodka
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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