you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
