no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
