I wanna passion pit in your ass
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
