She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
