Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
