(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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