We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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