Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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