He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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