Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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