The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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