She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
