I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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