Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
