It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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