So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
