if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
