I think I died a long time ago.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
