I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
