I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
