Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
