thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
