i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
