I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
