My friends, they love my intelligence
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
