I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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