they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she told me i tasted like america
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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