I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
