Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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