also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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