Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
