he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
