These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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