I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
