Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
