It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize