well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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