i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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