My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
