I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
