the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize