do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
