The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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