Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
