he wants to bone in the snuggie
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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