Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
