I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
