and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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