well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
