What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm really busy with my period
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