Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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