It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
