Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need to wash the frat house off of me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
