when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
