you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
