I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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