We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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