he told me I talked like a deaf person
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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