There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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