just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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