You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
