cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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