Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize