she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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