Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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