have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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