Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
