I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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