Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
