I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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