after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
