If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
