My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
