I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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