R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
