Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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