dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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