It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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