WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize