I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
