You made me cry and you don't even care
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
