Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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